A Relationship Controlled by Guilt does not leave Room for Growth

“A relationship controlled by guilt does not leave room for growth”
Relationship was created for many reasons, mostly for edification, expansion and enhancement. Despite our gender difference, we all need to know that relationship plays a big role in our lives because we need someone who we can relate to in different circumstances of our lives, this could be in times of joy, peace, sorrow or suffering. It’s imperative that we understand the necessity and the value of having someone in our lives. Sometimes the relationship can take different turns in our lives, for example moving from being casual to intimate. While we must understand that intimacy is not always linked to sexuality but rather a bound between two persons for a greater destiny. We can see this illustration in the life of David becoming so closed to Jonathan, even the Holy Scriptures describing their love to be more than lovers. It’s essential for us not to deny the power of connectiveness where two people are connected for a purpose. In my book Living in The Palace, I described the goal people come in our lives, some come for purpose, reason and others for destiny. Let’s not neglect that God sends to each individual an opposite sex for marriage, that person comes in your life to complete you. The bible is clear, God created male and female, he called them Husband and wife. In Genesis 1:27 “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female created he them” here I am promoting a marriage between a man and a woman, being an advocate of heterosexual marriage, I am not approving people to move from one marriage to another however to stick to their relationship and make it work.Now with this immature generation, people move from one relationship to another, what’s sad is to see Christians who married in the name of God, and promised to stay with their spouse, husband or wife to later on divorce. Now we wonder if God lies or we are just immature to work out our differences’
Sometimes when people come from a past relationship, speaking about a relationship between man and woman, while in the process of building something serious for the future in courtship or dating, others in marriage; we all need to check from our past relationships, leave all baggages behind us. Often people move into a new relationship but still hold on to their past hurt, or their past unresolved issues and starting dealing with their guilt. Others expects to receive from their partner the unperceivable, they expect to receive from the partner what they never invested because of their sense of guilt and condemnation.
Let’s define guilt: 1. It’s a fact or state of having committed an offense, crime, violation, or wrong, esp. against moral or penal law; culpability: He admitted his guilt.
2. A feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.
3. Conduct involving the commission of such crimes, wrongs
I give credit to most of my facebook friends who brought their comments in this subject in so many ways; guilt is a controlling, manipulative and unhealthy thread getting access between people to destroy them for not reaching to their destiny. Relationship controlled by guilt, pity, and control or manipulative is so insecure that it does not leave or give any room for expansion and growth. This kind of relationship is not authentic or pure, you can’t promote or celebrate the other partner? Guilt in our lives appears for holding in our past hurt, deception, discouragement, or failure. Sometimes guilt is the result of intimidation, feeling inferior to the other partner and walking on pride.
Has it ever happen to you while being involved with someone in marriage or a relationship instead of him celebrating with you or rejoicing God’s goodness in your life, he becomes competitive or jealous? It’s shameful to see married couple or best friends within a company or corporation fighting for their own gain, while they forget that two are better than one.
Can I suggest to you that we all need to examine and take time before getting involved with someone; we should always make sure we get healed from our past. Dealing with our past will require a true introspection and deep internal observation; we should make sure to heal from the four walls enemies of our soul which are:
Four walls enemies of our soul:1. Unhealed Hurt 2. Unmet need3. Unresolved issues4. Unfulfilled desires
The four walls of our soul often stand away in our relationship and bring guilt in us. As Christians we all need to carry our cross, to deal with ourselves before walking intimately with someone else. Let us be sincere and honest, God wants us to have healthy relationships through trust, love and respect.
Finally I can’t grow if I am involved in relationship controlled by guilt; there is no room for expansion.
Someone may ask, what should I do, if I realized my boyfriend or girlfriend/ my husband or wife/ my fiancée or fiancé is operating with guilt in relationship?
For boyfriend or girlfriend this should be an indication for you to work with your partner, asking some questions will help you deal with this matter, remember as much you can be in love or involved with someone in this stage, if he or she does not change you should resign or run away from the relationship because he/she will affect and destroy you in the long run.
For those who are engaged, remember that you never marry someone by pity but by destiny, in case your fiancé’ or fiancée’ can’t let go of the past, after premarital counseling you should make sure things are working otherwise please call off the engagement.
Although I do not advocate divorce in marriage but also considering the fact that marriage is not for children, I do realize that some relationships controlled by guilt always bring people to abuse or brutality and sometimes to extreme physical abuse. I will suggest to someone to walk away from any abusive physical interaction. Let’s not confuse our relationship misunderstandings and differences as a reason to walk away from the sacred covenant of marriage.