MOST PRESSING LEADERSHIP ISSUE OF TODAY

MOST PRESSING LEADERSHIP ISSUE OF TODAY

Leadership has become one of the most critical issues of today's age, from the classroom to the political arena; leadership has openly revealed how much is needed among people. Leadership is all about being able to influence others and make an effective impact[1]. I think the most pressing issue in leadership today is integrity. The notion of integrity is one that is needful but scarce within the ranks of society today. It is an issue today in every field[2]. The word integrity means “wholeness” coming from the Latin word intergrare. This concept of integrity is sometimes interchangeable with character or trustworthiness, but in simple words it is what you claim to be and who you really are. It’s also seen as who you are in private when no one can see you. Finally, integrity is doing the right thing. While integrity is one of the elements of character, you see that it is missing among many leaders today.

In this day and age leadership crises around the world have affected many top leaders. Politicians, Clergies and Professors have become so deceptive because of lack of integrity. Manipulation, lies, deception and sexual scandal have become part of many leaders’ lives. Among politicians selfishness has become their portion; therefore many leaders have lost the trust of their followers.

One of the characteristics that followers look for in a leader is trust because it establishes and maintains credibility[3]. Moreover it’s the foundation of healthy relationship. The importance of trust is the foundation of all leadership[4]. Sadly, we see in this day that many leaders have forgotten that their priority is not just to establish a relationship of trust as part of their integrity but also to respect those whom God ha sent to us. When I was attending Beulah Heights University as an undergraduate student taking leadership courses, I learned that we must be careful "that we never allow our gifts to take us to a place our character cannot keep us." If you look at the leaders who have fallen what you see is not a lack of talent but a lack of integrity and character. Leaders may be able to achieve limited success without character, but success cannot be sustained unless it is undergirded by integrity.

Finally, while we may have different pressing leadership issues, I felt compelled that integrity is the most needed attribute in today society. Leaders will never make the transition from a good leader to a great leader until they identify a core purpose which they will adhere to at all costs. It requires a depth of character and integrity to adhere to ones core purpose when the temptation of violating that purpose has such appealing short term benefits.

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[1] Maxwell, John C. Developing the Leader within you, Page 41.

[2] Weems Jr, Lovett H. Church Leadership, Page 121.

[3] Kouzes and Posner. Leadership Challenge, Page 124-142.

[4] Covey, Stephen R. The 8^th Habit. Page 149-150.

Pro-Life or Pro-Choice

Are you a Pro-life or Pro-choice?

What an interesting question, as a Christian, Business Man, Husband, Pastor and Clergy in the Lord’s church and coming from different melt of culture, I would say that the definition of both words is different depending on the country and culture, it’s sometimes simple although it sounds confusing the way in the United States we label others by the lack of understanding of the word or the terminology. While Pro-life has been defined to us as protecting life and government imposing to a woman what to do with the pregnancy; I feel compelled that both words of protecting life and imposing a woman to keep a pregnancy, sound contradictory in the ways of God; because not only God wants us to protect life but he never imposed us what to do. God gives us the free will and the room to choose.

The pro-life and pro-choice movements primarily come into conflict on the issue of abortion.

Our choice is a small token as an expression of gratitude toward participation in God’s creation.

In the United States the line of demarcation between the Pro-life and the Pro-choice resides on the issue of abortion, so many conservators consider themselves as Christian and advocate of pro-life, for them it’s about preserving the life of the children, saving life at any cost, life must be protected. But they approved the death penalty, war and assisted suicide, now I am wondering if this is being against life or Pro-life, so aborting a baby is wrong but going on war to fight other countries, killing innocent people is not a sin but now we are wondering should we be a Pro-life or Anti-life? Why should I promote the death penalty, euthanasia, and war but be against a woman who is struggling to keep a pregnancy because of an unfortunate situation like rape, or HIV?

I personally advocate on saving the life of a baby or fetus at any cost, nevertheless I believe the choice and the decision must remain confidential between the doctor, the person and God. Not let the government get involved on something that is not illegal.

However nowadays we can’t let the government dictate us to carry the pregnancy, this will open the door for the government and our political leaders to dictate women and men in other aspects like, how many children they should have, what type the neighborhood they should live in? What type of ethnicity a person should marry? Where we should build our houses? This will take us back to old days, when black men were forbidden to live in certain neighborhood. But there is a dynamic in this situation, if a woman has been a victim of rape, and decides not to keep the baby, should the government dictate that person or impose to that woman to keep the pregnancy? This is a critical question, if we are trying to hide behind our belief or what has been taught to us for many years that we should keep the baby despite your pain or your tragedy, this should be a personal decision not a government responsibility to dictate to a women if she should keep the baby or not.

The bible advocates God as a creator who gives us the freewill and He said to Israelites” I put before you life and death, but you should choose. While God suggests choosing life, it is clear that you make the choice. So while being a Pro-life we are taking away a person’s choice? This should not even be a problem or a debate, the question should be Are you a Pro-choice or Anti-choice, should I have the choice to decide? Should I do what I believe is right for my life?

To be "pro-choice" is to believe that individuals have unlimited autonomy with respect to their own reproductive systems as long as they do not breach the autonomy of others.

In the United States, the pro-choice position is perceived as "pro-abortion." In China, where abortion is sometimes required by law, the pro-choice position would be perceived as "anti-abortion." The purpose of the pro-choice movement is to ensure that all choices remain legal.

God always advocates the choice, he wants us to make a choice, and he wants us to participate on his creation. In nutshell, Pro-life and Pro-choice we should not always focus on abortion however follow our internal voice to decide to protect life and not to give room for government to dictate us.

Is there anything wrong with Religion?

Is there anything wrong with Religion?


I had a chance to read on one of my face book friend, the topic was interesting because was discussing about religion: by surprise the topic was the same matters I had to help some of my students at University.
Why are we are trying to separate our beliefs from Religion? What is the definition of Religion? Is not Christianity a Religion? The western mentality has taught us the negativity about religion, without understanding that our faith and our belief in God, has essence from Religion. While I do understand that we as Pentecostal and charismatic have portrayed being spiritual by calling ourselves not religious, I would like to clear some minds, being a believer or spiritual is part of Religion. People rules and regulations do not respond to proper definition of religion, Religion is a belief. Do not forget Christianity is a religion, so is Islam, Buddhism, and Hinduism....But the true religion is Christianity.

All I am trying to help this panel of discussion is to understand nothing is wrong with Religion. Pentecostal is a religious movement. Let’s not play with the word without understanding the root of the word. The foundation of the truth comes from the scriptures, the Bible. This must be taught, where believers are gathered together in the name of Christ, this is equivalent to the church as a response to our belief, to Christianity, which is a religion. Nothing is wrong with religion (Christianity) but it’s the people’s rules and regulations which are called denominations that make religion look wrong

Reality of Change

The Reality of Change

Making a change is not only a sacrifice for another, but instead a blessing for you. Therefore anytime God wants to promote you, He will require some change in your life. Change is not change until everything must change, finally change will challenge us for growth. Father help us to change for a better us.

I have come to many crosses of life and I realized change is inevitable, anytime God calls he expects us to grow and to open up for the reality of change.

Life is the reflection of up and down, it always challenges us in different perspective and this must enhance in us a desire for growth. The peculiarity of life with these realities and oppositions must awaken in us a desire for change.

What is change?
While we do have many definitions of change, a simple one is just the ability of making a decision. Many of us want change but run away from the reality of understanding that change can’t occur without us making decisions. The reality for us must be honest and sincere; we can’t see any change in us, if we don’t make a quality decision.

Why Change?

This is the most difficult question? Why do you want change? If you really want change your first question should always be “why do I want change?” Why don’t I want my situation? Why don’t I want my career? Why don’t I want my marriage? Why don’t I want my relationship? Why don’t I want what I do? Why don’t I want who am I?
The “why question” must always raise in us, anytime we try to change anything in our lives, the necessity of asking that question is imperative to help us to discover the true intent and motivation of us trying to change our life.
I meet many people who change careers easily, when you ask them relevant questions, why are you changing jobs, why are you changing boyfriends or girlfriends? It could be maybe because of unselfish desires, maybe resolved issues or any kind of unhealed hurt, now being exposed externally with unbalanced behavior or unsatisfactory desires.
After you realize or answer the why question honestly, now you are able to move for a change. Let me be clear, don’t divorce your husband or your wife unless it has been sanctioned by the scripture. Sometimes other things do not require to change maybe they just require a little sacrifice, an endurance or improvement. For example, a couple who always disagree and fight, don’t quit the marriage, they make that work. Nutshell in case of an abusing situation you should always seek for suitable and peace reconciliation. I come to realize sometimes because we seek for quick fix, we run away prematurely for the thing we should make work.

When change must occur?

A warning sign, do not change because you are frustrated about a situation, however confront and affront your situation, often time problems or situations in our lives could give us an impression of prematurely trying to get off from problems or seek for change. Remember unhealthy change will always bring negative results. Before we make a change on any decision we must understand the right time for that change to take place.

Change requires decision:
Without a decision there is no change at all. I am always amazed with people who want to see some change or different result in their lives but they are unable to make a decision.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over by expecting a different result. Can I just suggest to you that any time you want to see change you need to make a decision; if you want a positive result in your life, you need a positive change and a healthy decision.
Healthy decision plus positive change equal positive result.
I see student who want to see their grade change, but refuse to improve their personal study.

Change is difficult but necessary
Change is not easy; every change will require a repositioning of life, sometimes change will require also restructuring lives. Life is a pattern, there is nothing new, and everything comes to us as a cycle.

Change is forecasting the future
Before you make any decision you should always think about your future, where are you and what are you planning to accomplish? Do not make any decision without forecasting the future. In life today we are dealing with two types of people; some with short sight and other with long sight. The scriptures say “A wise man see a danger in front of him and hide himself”. Anytime I am thinking about change I must reflect on my future. Because some change may be good for the present but will cost you the future.

Change is progressive
Change does not occur at once, it’s a process; it’s not a day thing but it’s a daily thing. We must be cooperative with our change, allow change to process us, and have room for growth. While change remains one of the most difficult things, we must let that process take time, because every process will bring us to a progressive stage.

Tips for change

Spiritual change: This starts with repentance which means changing your ways. Let us not live in denieal while we’re on this earth for there is a creator God to whom we are going to be accountable to, because the book of Hebrew 9:27 “And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment”... The earth is called to face a judgment of God, therefore we must change our ways and accept the free gift of salvation Jesus Christ as personal lord and savior.
For those who are Christian or born again, we must always change for the better. Daily change is the moving from mediocrity to excellence, from ungodly to godly moral and character. Reading the word of God, daily meditation of the scripture with a life of prayer will encourage us to change for a better us.

Emotional change: Run away from every abusive relationships. Nowadays many women and men are involved in emotional and psychological unhealthy relationships, some woman for the sake of keeping a man or being involved with someone.
Financial Change: considering your cash flow, if your expenses are greater than your income, you should change that. Do not live beyond your means. I find out that the majority of Christians who are struggling in this day and age is more about their finances. Restructure your life in the way that you must save some money, maybe cut your eating habits, remove the unnecessary features in your phone, why do you need a cable TV will all those channels , can you a least have basic channels so you can save more.

Educational Change: we are living now in the age of informationa , acquiring information; therefore you must educate yourself to a higher level so you can face the giants of the market place. Don’t be satisfied with your high school diploma nor bachelor degree, you may think to pursue your master and your doctorate, remember we are living in the age of information.

Discerning the Sign of End Time

Discerning the sign of End time Part I

Thursday, November 19, 2009 after my daily routine in the morning, while getting ready to head up for an important meeting at Gwinnett County in Georgia, USA, I took a few minutes to read the news online and listen to the News on TV. I was so astonished when I read that Europe just elected their first council president. Quickly something came to me; we are truly getting to the end time. Who could imagine, Europe after creating a European union, and having one currency called the Euro. The organization finally decided after many years of debate to come out with one concuss to elect their first president. Can you imagine Europe as a continent voting their first president? Could this serve as a sign for Christians and the entire world to wake up, this is a wakeup call. The debate was still fresh among European presidents, deciding who will become their first leaders, many had suggested Tony Blair ex prime minister of London, Sarkozy the French’s president…surprisingly European Union leaders named Belgian Prime Minister Herman Van Rompuy as the first "president of Europe" Thursday on November 19, 2009, edging out former British Prime Minister Tony Blair for a still-vaguely defined job. While I refuse to talk more about Belgium, do you know that the European Union never wanted to discuss about religion in that organization? I would encourage every reader to do his/her own personal research about Belgium, which is the capital of Europe, the city of NATO, the first country where every new technology must be tested before it is released to any other countries and the most influential and strategically country in Europe. With the concession of European countries coming together as one, could it be that North American Countries will come together as well? What about African countries? To what we called Organization of African Unity (OUA), are they going to name or vote for a new president as well? Remember while the world is getting flat day by day, hour per hours, the economy always dominated over politics. What are people looking for, who is the leader who will bring stability in the world in wide economical instability. Peace and harmony in this dividing world. Becoming connected and one; It’s all about prosperity, peace and joy.

Here in United States after electing the first African American President, we could think this will serve as a sign to destroy racial discrimination and prejudice among American, nevertheless people are dividing day by day. Some churches leaders are trying to talk about race reconciliation, bringing people from different races to worship together and adore the true living and creator God. However most of those Pastors are not helping their members at all, why say you are an international or global church and your leadership doesn’t reflect every culture, why is it that some races in your church can only be members, but never promoted to serve in Leadership position? Can you see, we talk about race reconciliation but as long as your leadership and staff don’t reflect the membership of your church, maybe you should check in your heart? Are you promoting Unity or are you enjoying the luxury of having diversities in your congregation. You never wonder walking into a church calling itself multicultural or international, but there is only a group of people or certain color serving on Leadership or staff? But the antichrist will bring a solution to ethnicity dilemma, he will make sure Caucasians and blacks are equals, he will promote peace and harmony. It’s time for the church to wake up.

Racial discrimination and prejudice must be confronted by the church before the Anti Christ surprises many. I also see in Africa where two ethnicities refuse to get along, what can I say about the genocide of Rwanda, the rape in Congo over 30,000 girls and women raped per year? The earthquake in Indian over 20,000 people dead per year, the September 11, incident at the world trade Center, all this serve as a sign of the end time. Do you remember the Mumbai attack on last year November 26, 2008? What about the amount of debt of United States to China, over three trillion Dollars, the possible global impact of Dubai debt crisis, over 69 Billion Dollar in debt, in addition to Wall Street and US banks crisis.

Now we are talking about everything going to green, the pollution in the air. Most of the billing and bank statement becoming paperless, we don’t want to use paper any more. Are people aware that there is a place in Europe where people no longer carry cash nor credit card with them, just with their finger, people will be able to identify who you are? In case you are shopping just put your finger, your money will be directly deducted to your account. This proven to us, we don’t want to carry any wallet on us, therefore because of green, destroying paper, with the objective of becoming one world, one country without borders. According to BBC news, The Commonwealth's 53 nations comprise about two billion people, a third of the planet's population. The global summit on climate change is due to start in Copenhagen on 7 December, and the topic is the only issue on Commonwealth summit's agenda for the first day, their main agenda of the meeting will discuss about the green, the climate change. The leaders are meeting days after pledged by the US and China to limit their greenhouse gas emissions, amid concerns that the Copenhagen meeting could fail to agree substantial cuts. This will bring us to one conclusion, do not carry cash, nor identity, passport, credit card, bank card, all your information will be recorded in your fingerprints and any part of your body. Can we see the world coming together as one, eliminating borders, unify and one world. Let me be realistic it’s time for church to wake up, put our differences aside and seeks the face of God.
The Series called Visitors, the V. What amazing series, promoting a unified world. Visitors coming on the earth to meet with the people, bringing solution to the economy, healing incurable sickness and diseases; Emma the main actress of the movie uses her softness and malicious mind to access on people for one goal to be worshipped and idolized. All these signs are pointing to one clear evidence the end of the world, the ruling and the coming of the anti Christ.

Let us not live under denial, the Anti Christ is real, according the Holy Scripture the bible, he will be a strong charismatic dictator world leader, he will conquer the world, he will have a strong army and he will create the new world order. This man the anti Christ is probably already alive but restrain by the Holy Spirit, he will make a treaty with Israel for seven years but he will break the treaty after three and half years. He will bring answers to economic and political problems around the world.

Someone told me Christ can’t come now, because the gospel has not been preached around the world yet, my simple answer to her was that no one has clear evidence or proper statistic to defend that analogy. What I know the outpouring of the Holy Ghost has never been like before, people are hungry of God like never before. I believe the other big sign is the rebuilding of the temple of Jerusalem, in addition to the treaty of peace between Israelians and Palestinians.
While I don’t know much, still learning and I am not strong on apocalyptic view, I do know all the signs are pointing to the end time. Let us leave Holy, in Godly manners, God is Holy and want those who get close to him to live Holy.
We all need to take time to restructure and rebuilt our lives..

The Law of Succession

Reflecting on This Subject " Successful Transition of Power" I am seeking wisdom and praying for our political, Religious and Spiritual Leaders for clear understanding of the LAW OF SUCCESSION; I am so concerned with Churches, Countries, Corporations and Organizations built on People’s Names and Personas instead of Learning how to Delegate Power and passing the baton on Next Generation. What do you think?

While reflecting on this quote, there is a great mixed emotions in my heart, we talk about this subject on “successful transition of power” because I could see how some countries, like the United States had peacefully transitioned on the 44th presidential election, meanwhile in many countries around the world leaders are still holding onto power and refusing to have democratic elections where people would express their freedom by selecting a candidate of their own choice. Dictatorship and Unitarian government systems are still modeling and envisioning most of our political leaders, seeking only their own interest and gains. We all know how lack of succession becomes most challenging among political, religious and spiritual leaders. The ineffectiveness on the matter of successful transition of power has demonstrated the lack of training, the lack of willingness and the lack of good heart. Most of African politician leaders, especially presidents of different countries do not allow official electoral vote, because they want to rule over the people. A few weeks ago, one of the central countries in Africa, Gabon lost their president who had been in power for almost 41 years, Omar Bongo’s death had astonished his own people, and leaders of the countries, the man had changed the constitution of the country for his own gain, after his death the country still not being able to vote for the next president, although I am not in denial the fact that the country is now led by an acting president but we can see how far behind the country was prepared for the replacement of the president.
Similar situation also occurred in the Democratic Republic of Congo, where after the death of the president the country was left for three days without any successor, no president in the country, with a significant decision of few leaders within the country and around the world, the Congo was imposed to receive the late president’s son as the president of the country. Much more to say about African countries, South American and the Middle East countries, populations are suffering dictatorship and manipulation from their leaders; it’s unrealistic to see how many of those political leaders and president become richer and wealthier, while the population are suffering to bring a loaf of bread to their families.

It becomes so egocentric and selfish to see how churches today are built on people’s names instead of God, many Pastors build churches on their names and personas, not having a succession plan in place nor preparing for successor. Many churches are built on Pastors names, becoming the pop stars and kings of churches, without any clear and legitimate succession plan. It’s so flabigate to see how Pastors build mega churches and after their death their church disappears, it goes under total disappearance.

The Law of succession is making way for the next generation to be able to continue with the responsibility. While leadership is the ability of influencing others, spiritual leaders should prepare the future generation to take the baton continue with the responsibility. We see the patterns in the bible where Moses passes the baton to Joshua, Elijah to Elisha, Paul to Timothy; now we as part of churches we should all learn to trust and pass the mantle to the next generation.

Insecurity, scrutiny, dictatorship has become the enemies of law of succession.
The Law of Succession acknowledges that what has been built by leaders needs to be maintained into the next generations so that the work is sustained, increased and blessed to bless others. There is a problem however that politics, churches, spiritual leaders, countries and corporations built on people’s names and personas need to know, retool themselves so that they can build on the foundational laws of the kingdom of God so there is something of real worth to pass on to the next generation. If not, then the blind will only have led the blind into a ditch such as we have experienced in every realm, religious, political and business today. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. There is a Paradigm Shift. How we respond to change determines what side of the Shift we are on. God is looking for kingdom catalyst and not carbon copies of what has already been. In addition of the passing of baton, let there be a changing of the guards.

Changing of the guards defines also the repositioning of the new leader who has been selected to take the baton, we see in the bible Elisha decided to serve Elijah, as a faithful servant, while the master Elijah was ready to die, Elisha requested the double portion of the spirit of Elijah. The scriptures say; Elijah told his mentee it was such a difficult request, however if you could see me,

We all need to know, if God trusts us with something or a responsibility he believes that we will also be able to trust others, leaving a legacy for those who come behind us. You need someone to take over what God had trusted you with; this would not happen on one day, but a process of walking with someone.
Why would you Pastor a church or lead a corporation and after your death it disappears? Why should we build something and after a tragedy what we build disappear? The question is more about living a legacy, preparing a successor, having someone to take over what we’ve been trusted with in case we are no longer able to lead.

Forsake not learning to prepare a next generation or being able to pass the baton for the next generation requires a healthy investment. Part of our challenges is that many of us want someone to take over something after us, but we never invested in their lives, investment must be instructional, educational, spiritual and pshychological
Instructional Investment
A leader must train his assistant, follower or successor by correcting and rebuking him/ her when necessary. Instructional investment requires direction, instruction and empowerment.

Educational Investment
A leader must encourage his successor to be academically trained and equiped. Education is much required in this 21st century, the age of knowledge and information.

Spiritual Investment
A leader must encourage his or her successor to grow spiritually and to develop an effective life of God’s word and prayer.



Psychological Investment
A leader must give the room for his successor to invest on his mind, thoughts. To read and to meditate in positive things so he can be equipped and prepared to lead his next generation. You can’t lead effectively if you are insecure and unhealthy.

Nutshell considers Jesus Christ who told his disciple I sent you in my name; not in your own name neither your own power but mine, because you been to trusted to represent me everywhere me, Christ I can’t go. But I promise to always be with you. When the disciples were ministering they understood it was never about them, always about Christ the master who sent them.
Now brethren you have been delegated a leadership position, consider it’s not about you but the people you are serving.

A Relationship Controlled by Guilt does not leave Room for Growth

“A relationship controlled by guilt does not leave room for growth”
Relationship was created for many reasons, mostly for edification, expansion and enhancement. Despite our gender difference, we all need to know that relationship plays a big role in our lives because we need someone who we can relate to in different circumstances of our lives, this could be in times of joy, peace, sorrow or suffering. It’s imperative that we understand the necessity and the value of having someone in our lives. Sometimes the relationship can take different turns in our lives, for example moving from being casual to intimate. While we must understand that intimacy is not always linked to sexuality but rather a bound between two persons for a greater destiny. We can see this illustration in the life of David becoming so closed to Jonathan, even the Holy Scriptures describing their love to be more than lovers. It’s essential for us not to deny the power of connectiveness where two people are connected for a purpose. In my book Living in The Palace, I described the goal people come in our lives, some come for purpose, reason and others for destiny. Let’s not neglect that God sends to each individual an opposite sex for marriage, that person comes in your life to complete you. The bible is clear, God created male and female, he called them Husband and wife. In Genesis 1:27 “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female created he them” here I am promoting a marriage between a man and a woman, being an advocate of heterosexual marriage, I am not approving people to move from one marriage to another however to stick to their relationship and make it work.Now with this immature generation, people move from one relationship to another, what’s sad is to see Christians who married in the name of God, and promised to stay with their spouse, husband or wife to later on divorce. Now we wonder if God lies or we are just immature to work out our differences’
Sometimes when people come from a past relationship, speaking about a relationship between man and woman, while in the process of building something serious for the future in courtship or dating, others in marriage; we all need to check from our past relationships, leave all baggages behind us. Often people move into a new relationship but still hold on to their past hurt, or their past unresolved issues and starting dealing with their guilt. Others expects to receive from their partner the unperceivable, they expect to receive from the partner what they never invested because of their sense of guilt and condemnation.
Let’s define guilt: 1. It’s a fact or state of having committed an offense, crime, violation, or wrong, esp. against moral or penal law; culpability: He admitted his guilt.
2. A feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.
3. Conduct involving the commission of such crimes, wrongs
I give credit to most of my facebook friends who brought their comments in this subject in so many ways; guilt is a controlling, manipulative and unhealthy thread getting access between people to destroy them for not reaching to their destiny. Relationship controlled by guilt, pity, and control or manipulative is so insecure that it does not leave or give any room for expansion and growth. This kind of relationship is not authentic or pure, you can’t promote or celebrate the other partner? Guilt in our lives appears for holding in our past hurt, deception, discouragement, or failure. Sometimes guilt is the result of intimidation, feeling inferior to the other partner and walking on pride.
Has it ever happen to you while being involved with someone in marriage or a relationship instead of him celebrating with you or rejoicing God’s goodness in your life, he becomes competitive or jealous? It’s shameful to see married couple or best friends within a company or corporation fighting for their own gain, while they forget that two are better than one.
Can I suggest to you that we all need to examine and take time before getting involved with someone; we should always make sure we get healed from our past. Dealing with our past will require a true introspection and deep internal observation; we should make sure to heal from the four walls enemies of our soul which are:
Four walls enemies of our soul:1. Unhealed Hurt 2. Unmet need3. Unresolved issues4. Unfulfilled desires
The four walls of our soul often stand away in our relationship and bring guilt in us. As Christians we all need to carry our cross, to deal with ourselves before walking intimately with someone else. Let us be sincere and honest, God wants us to have healthy relationships through trust, love and respect.
Finally I can’t grow if I am involved in relationship controlled by guilt; there is no room for expansion.
Someone may ask, what should I do, if I realized my boyfriend or girlfriend/ my husband or wife/ my fiancée or fiancé is operating with guilt in relationship?
For boyfriend or girlfriend this should be an indication for you to work with your partner, asking some questions will help you deal with this matter, remember as much you can be in love or involved with someone in this stage, if he or she does not change you should resign or run away from the relationship because he/she will affect and destroy you in the long run.
For those who are engaged, remember that you never marry someone by pity but by destiny, in case your fiancé’ or fiancée’ can’t let go of the past, after premarital counseling you should make sure things are working otherwise please call off the engagement.
Although I do not advocate divorce in marriage but also considering the fact that marriage is not for children, I do realize that some relationships controlled by guilt always bring people to abuse or brutality and sometimes to extreme physical abuse. I will suggest to someone to walk away from any abusive physical interaction. Let’s not confuse our relationship misunderstandings and differences as a reason to walk away from the sacred covenant of marriage.